Conversations about Trees in Kansas

Conversations about Trees in Kansas

Welcome to Kansas- (an Indian word, roughly translated: land of few trees/the trees are dying) just kidding!

You would not believe the reactions I have received over the years from  out of state people when I tell them

I am an Arborist from Kansas. Some of the better stories:

In Japan, Kansas is apparently revered for it's beef, not it's trees or Arborists.

While in Japan I was watching a group of Japanese Arborists pruning street trees. I snapped a few photos

of them pruning Mimosa trees.They were an interesting group, in identical jumpsuits, identical hard hats, very professional. They were meticulously pruning, I was impressed. I went up and introduced myself  in my worst/halting Japanese. I explained I was a fellow Arborist from Kansas and was enjoying their expertise while pruning Mimosa trees. They understood I knew what type of tree they were working on and the fact that I was a fellow Arborist did not seem to impress them. However, the big boss did bow to me and said
"Ah,  Kansas beef, Kansas beef very good". That was about all the conversation I could get out of them

 and I was not entirely satisfied with it.

In Chicago, they seem to be convinced Kansas is still the Wild West, with cowboys and Indians and

firmly believe there are no trees  in Kansas . Years ago, while enjoying beverages on Front Street in Chicago and Second City, I had struck up a few conversations with fellow patrons. I was amazed to learn that Kansas was stuck in the Old West, we still had gunfighters, Old West saloons, Indians ready to attack anyone/anywhere and everybody lived on the prairie, except the fortunate who lived in the bigger cities.

They were excited to hear about how  I had to fight my way  through Indians on  my horseback ride  to the airport. I also explained there were a lot of   trees in Kansas  and they were mainly used by the Indians and outlaws to hide behind when they were shooting at you. All were equally glad to hear that things were better in the bigger cities.

I told them the good news about city life in Kansas-the Indians weren't taking scalps anymore, shootouts in the saloons were down and hardly anybody shot it out at high noon on mainstreet anymore. Chicago is a great city,  with nice people who enjoy a good story about life in Kansas.

Southerners  tend to view Kansas Arborists with suspicion, us being from "up North" and do not seem

to be convinced we really have any trees in Kansas. I can't really blame them,we cannot compete with some of the magnificent old Live Oaks they have down south. I do respect their work ethic and the pride people take  in their trees in the south.

Years ago, while in Los Angeles, I struck up a conversation with a couple of dudes.

They were like-"dude, are you really from Kansas, "dude, like what do you people do there"

They thought it was really funny when I told them I was an Arborist.

They were like"dude, what do you do, there aren't any trees in Kansas, it's flat and only has grass"

I told them there were like 125 trees in Kansas and all the Arborists took turns watering them and watching them grow. That shut them up for a while.But  what really impressed them was when I told them a lot of the  grass growing on the prairie really wasn't grass, it was marijuana, and farmers were growing it everywhere.

 When they found out the best kept secret about Kansas was all the weed growing on the prairie, thousands of acres of it, they seemed pretty impressed. I explained Kansas State University was so famous as an agricultural mecca because scientists and researchers were experimenting with new and  more powerful strains of weed, that could survive the harsh prairie but was much more potent  than weed grown in California and Hawaii.

My LA bros agreed with this and said" Yeah, everbody knows about that, the Indians have been growing and smoking weed in Kansas for like a million years or so". Who knew? Those damned Indians! One more good reason for us to take their land.

Now that the news is out about weed being cultivated on the prairie,  I keep waiting for a mass exodus of bros from California to Kansas but have not heard anything yet.

It is fitting that I seem to relate to and interact well with  Arborists from the Great Plains States. We deal with a lot of the same disease issues and the extremes of heat, flood, drought, wind....etc. the only thing missing are rivers of fire and biblical plagues of locusts.

I was at an International Forestry Conference in Seattle. There were Environmental Scientists, Arborists, Foresters, Silviculturists, anybody that had anything to do with trees was there, hundreds of people

The keynote speaker asked all the Arborists from the Great Plains states to stand up.

There were quite a few of us that were in this massive ballroom. The speaker asked everyone to give us a round of applause. He stated we had one of the most difficult jobs in the world.

Whatever statistics he had read, because of extremes in temperatures, extremes in weather, insect and disease problems added in, being an Arborist in the Great Plains States and keeping trees alive and healthy  was like trying to have nice, green grass in the Mojave  desert.

I felt pretty good hearing that. I've often wondered what he would say if he knew there really are only 125 trees in Kansas and all the Arborists take turns watering them and watching them grow?